30 Days

I've decided to do 30 Days here. I feel like I can be more honest.

Day One: A picture of yourself and 20 facts.

1. I like cuddling in blankets when it's cold.

2. I'm extremely impulsive.

3. My anxiety always gets the best of me.

4. I can't have a functional relationship.

5. I don't trust anyone.

6. I wish I could work at camp forever or just be Lauren Powers mom. I'd be okay with that.

7. I can't eat sweets or brush my teeth with minty toothpaste.

8. I envy my little sister and all the opportunities she has that I never did.

9. I wear sweatpants everyday.

10. Sometimes I don't brush my hair because it's something I have control over.

11. I'm addicted to sleeping pills. I can't sleep anymore without taking one.

12. I don't know how to handle my emotions.

13. I'm scared to go to sleep sometimes because I think I'm not going to wake up in the morning.

14. My Gran hasn't died yet, but to me she has.

15. I didn't realize how close I was to my Father until he was gone. Sometimes he's the only person I want to talk to and I can't pick up the phone and know he'll tell me what I need to hear to make everything okay.

16. Lyrics explain my life more than I can. I can never find the right words to say.

Did you call to say you've found someone and I'm a used- to- be.
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.
If you've moved on why does it feel like I'm losing you again?
Can't you see? So what do you want? What do you want from me?

What do you want me to say?
That I'm content? That I'm on the fence? That I wish you would've stayed?
Oh baby what do you want, what do you want, what do you want from me?

17. I want to have a baby, but I don't want to get married.

18. I hate Sweet Briar and I can't wait to be done. I love waking up to a beautiful campus, but so many horrible things have happened to me while I've been here.. lost friendships, lost family members, and romantic relationships that have crashed and burned. I know that's life, but this place is a constant reminder of the bad things that have happened in my life. I don't know why I can't just think of the good times I've had. I think the bad times were just so bad that I've been blinded by them.

19. The week before and after 2/14 is cursed. That's when shit always hits the fan.. every time.

20. Most days I don't feel pretty or loved.